Big Picture Perspective

Two weeks ago, I had no idea what the rest of my ski season was going to look like. Everything was riding on my race results in Craftsbury, VT at the 2019 US National Championships. I have gone to nationals as a college student for the past four years having high hopes and expectations to qualify for international racing. Growing up, I always dreamt of racing at Junior World Championships, but I also recognized that my entire collegiate season didn't really start until after nationals and I had a lot to focus on with that.

Racing at the 2015 Junior World Championships in Almaty, Kazakhstan with fellow Minnesotans, Kristen Bourne (L) and Vivian Hett (M).

​All four years I was able to race well and qualify for World Juniors or Under 23 Championships. Every year, I was proud of this accomplishment, but I only chose to accept the invitation two out of the four years. 

Racing with the 2017 U23 team in Soldier Hollow, Utah (Corey Stock, Jessie Knori and Nichole Bathe - Kelsey Phinney was also on the team).

During the years that I declined a chance to wear the stars and stripes, I was focused on representing myself as a UVM Catamount. On both occasions this was an extremely challenging decision to make because I was passing up an incredible opportunity. However, the UVM Ski Team had given me so much over my four years in college. The team had grown to be my family away from home and I believe that I owe much of my success to my UVM coaches and teammates. In retrospect, I could not be happier about the choices I made.

Racing at the UVM Carnival during the same week as U23 Championships. #gocatsgo

Going into the qualifying races this year I felt a lot more pressure. I had been working toward these races all summer and fall so that I could have one more chance to represent USA at the U23 World Championships in Lahti, Finland. I didn’t have a plan for racing after nationals because I had no idea where I would be going. There were no college races or schoolwork that I could fall back on, I just had to race really fast!

Racing in the 20k Freestyle race (PC: Karen Brown).

​Throughout the week I was very content with each of my races. I felt like I had skied pretty well and finished in the top 10 in every race no matter what discipline: skate vs. classic or sprint vs. distance. However, this year there has been a field of U23 female skiers unlike any other. There is such a strong group of girls racing in my age group that most have the potential to podium in Lahti. At the end of the week, I found myself sitting in 6thplace. I was the alternate. 

Figuring out how to put together a sprint race… (PC: Linda Kerker).

One of the top girls decided to decline the trip to focus on college racing, a decision that I made on numerous occasions. This meant that I was bumped up and selected as one of the top five. At first, I wasn’t sure how to feel about this. I am beyond thrilled to have this opportunity, but in the back of my mind I am still thinking, “you were just the alternate.” This has been hard for me to process. It has forced me to step back from the situation and reevaluate why I am doing this. Am I doing this for bragging rights? Or for the chance just to go on a fun international racing trip? NO! I am doing this to become a better skier. To use this unique skill that I have and to challenge myself to reach outrageous goals. Short-term and long-term goals. Putting this into a big picture perspective I have realized what an improvement I have actually made in just one year. 

Hugs from dad between sprint heats (PC: Linda Kerker).

In previous years at US Nationals I would maybe pop out a top 10 result. This year it happened every race! I have made a jump in my abilities to compete as an overall skier. Yes, in the rankings of U23’s I finished in 6th, but I was always in the mix with those top girls. I can’t expect myself to make this transition from college skiing into elite racing and immediately start winning national level races. It is a goal of mine, but these types of goals take time to achieve. I know that I am getting stronger and faster. I am improving. I am slowly making my way up and I am hopeful that I will continue on this trendline through this season as well as the upcoming seasons. 
 
For now, I am excited to have this opportunity to represent American skiing and do my best to throw down some great races in Finland!